Listening to the epic mix of winter 2004/2005. Reading old wiki posts. Feeling generally dead inside. Well, creatively dead. I'm starting to wonder if programming is just not my medium. I feel so tired, trying to get somewhere. Not even sure where. I write good code, that's clear, but there's something missing. The exploration process is leaving me empty.

It's not like when i was making these mixes. It's not like when I was steeped in the experience of New York city. It's not even like my forays into system administration. A big part of me is worrying that it has to do with getting older. But I don't want to believe that. It doesn't seem right. I still really believe that's a cultural problem more than anything else. So .. what? What do I do? I don't know.

I'm just not inspired. And that's really sad. I feel a little dead. :-/